You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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