She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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