FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
