Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
