Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
