you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
