we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
