she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
