its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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