worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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