How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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