you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
