ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
wow bdsm is so cute
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