the condom got lost in my hair
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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