I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
