I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
