I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
