i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
