is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I am naked and annoyed.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
