Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
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She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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