does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
and i looked up. we had an audience...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
