My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
