So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
don't judge my taste in strippers
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
