Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
