my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
