The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Randomize
