Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
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I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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