It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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