i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
