man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize