I am puke
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
