we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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