I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
