Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You're like the curious george of whores
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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