After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
