someone owes me an orgasm
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
