Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
