last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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