i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
