How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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