im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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