The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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