we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
