It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
