Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize