I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
