it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
