saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
