She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
