I want to walk on stilts...naked
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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