i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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