I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
