she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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