Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
