He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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