Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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