Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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