He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
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Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
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I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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