i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
