omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
