Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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