Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
