My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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