The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
operation harelip BJ is a go
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
