he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You can't just leave with hair like that
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
