yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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