He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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