everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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