if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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