So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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