Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
40s are totally the cure
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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