He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
