dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
