I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
PANTIES FOUND
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
