I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
