My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We had to coat check the pizza.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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