what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
