She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Your penis caused this!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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