Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
