Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
